I’ve found out my problem lately. I like to invision all the awesome and exciting ways in which to serve God… in the future. It’s way too easy to daydream because there’s no effort involved, but when it comes down to it I’m scared to live life now. Either that or I don’t know how to. I was once in the Sierra Leonian village living life with the locals, They would come to our porch almost everynight, bring there drums and we would sing with them. We would make pocorn, the most delicious popcorn, fill bowls made out of gourds with it, and share it with them to there delight, (they loooved it) and they would share with us to our delight, there delicious meals (still my favorite food I’ve ever eaten to this day). And yet I didn’t truly know how to seize the day for Christ. I was looking forward to the street kids in europe. Now I long to be back with the villagers, in one of the most breathtakeing areas of Gods creation I have ever seen. Now I have the ideas that I could have done there, like working along side them as they (the woman) teach me how to cook there amazing food. But no I was too busy dreaming up ideas for what I could be doing back at home with street kids here. I was once near an orphanage that I visited every other week, (too my defense in my own confession, I would have gone more but didn’t really know how to take initiative to go on my own or find people to go with me. Wait screw that defence, I should have gone more) yet the whole while daydreaming about all the kids I want to adopt one day.
Lately I’ve felt dead, in a sense. I have had no care anymore or desire for anything but maybe to live in my own little house were I can own my own tea set and spice containers. I have felt excitement for really nothing. Hence my post about losing my personality. Yet in the last few days God in his gracious mercy, has been showing me these weakness’s of mine and a realization to seize the day for christ. I’ve decided to drop all my dreams (not forever, Gods still working out the kinks) of adopting tons of children, getting married, having a family, or any other idea that takes away from right now, until I can learn to live for God today, selflessly love the people around me, and be faithful in the little things.
I thank God for this realization, had I not had it one day I would be looking back with longing for the day when I lived in community, with amazing loveing bro’s and sis’s in christ, in another one of Gods breathtakeing areas of creation. With a beautiful message of Mercy justice and love to bring to a people who would thirst for that knowledge. And Give there lives to such a God.